As I Am; Not As I Should Be

Thursday, May 30, 2013             1 Corinthians 15:10a

As I Am; Not As I Should Be

I am learning to rest in my wife’s love for me. Most of the time. That’s a big deal for me because past betrayals had left me feeling very vulnerable. I know she loves me as I am, not as I should be. I know I don’t have to do something to get her to love me. I know her love for me is void of should, ought, must and have to. Most of the time her love for me leads into the blissful quiet waters and green pastures of resting in the assurance of her love; however, sometimes I am fixated on what I should be and how I should feel about myself and the blissful rest is fleeting. I see some similarities between this relationship and my seeking the life in Christ as my way of life.

Because of these similarities, I have come to realize that my personal mission statement, “Seeking the Life in Christ as My Way of Life” can be very problematic if my focus is on the seeking, rather than the life.  If your focus is on the seeking, it is quite easy to become a twenty-first century Don Quixote. Quixote, who set out to revive chivalry, was driven in his quest by his belief that it was sheer madness to see life as it is, and not as it should be. When you are on a journey to Quixote’s imaginary place of life as it should be, you are never certain that you arrive, because as soon as you think you understand something, reality introduces something that contradicts your premise.

In stark contrast to Quixote, the furious longing of God seeks union with me and loves me as I am. I believe Brennan Manning is absolutely correct when he writes, “God loves us unconditionally, just as we are; not as we should be. Because no one is as they should be.” (All is Grace by Brennan Manning)

Life in Christ is life as it is, not as it should be, because God loves me just as I am, not as I should be. Seeking the life in Christ is a matter of seeking to shed all the false beliefs that I have to do something, or I have to be better, to get God to love me. It is also seeking to shed all the false notions of what I am supposed to be like because God loves me.

In the fifth century, Saint Augustine wrote of the furious longing of Abba’s love: “In loving me, you made me loveable.” In Romans 6, Paul used baptism as a metaphor for my life in Christ: “For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism” (Romans 6:4).  In loving me, Abba buried me into Christ and then raised me to new life with Christ. (Colossians 3:1) My seeking the life in Christ is a matter of learning to leave dead and buried anything that tries to tell me that I am not alive to God through Christ Jesus.

Today, and every day, Abba is loving me, and making me loveable!

Sē’lah

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(Selah is a word that appears in the Book of Psalms that I often use as the Complimentary Closing in my correspondence. Its meaning, as I use the word, is to pause and think about these things.)

These meditations are written by Alex M. Knight as he seeks the life in Christ as his way of life.  In addition to this BLOG they are distributed on the Constant Contact email server. You may subscribe to this email service by sending an email to: amkrom812@gmail.com. The BLOG is also available on Amazon Kindle, by subscription

Publications by Alex M. Knight:

·        Seeking the Life in Christ, Meditations on the New Testament and Psalms has been published and is now available at Amazon.com. The Kindle version will follow soon.

·        The second edition First Think – Then Pray has been released as an e-book on Amazon Kindle.

·        Meditations on The Story of My Life as told by Jesus Christ has been released as an e-book on Amazon Kindle.